Dear Mr. Armitage,
The lofty condescension with which you have announced your refusal to produce a poem in support of your own country’s attempt to maintain its very existence under bondage to a demonic “European” empire, places you in the class of those establishment poets who, by dint of academic contempt and scorn for their fellow men, are far removed from those qualities (including, and most especially, that of vox populi) normally assigned to English laureates. Your flat, pedantic translations and cynical, insipid utterances (never rising to the level of actual verse) do not rescue you from the piteous lack of character underlying your refusal to support your own countrymen in their darkest hour—a decision that, by the happiest of ironies, has spared us yet another third-rate production arising from a third-rate mind lauded by third-rate institutions entirely disconnected from ordinary Britons, an abominable status quo by which mediocrity is rewarded for no other reason than conformity to the arrière-politique of cultural Marxism, also known as political correctness.
Therefore, in the name of a free and sovereign nation which has not enjoyed an authentic Poet Laureate since John Edward Masefield, I call upon you, Simon Armitage, to restore the ancient honour of the laureateship—tainted as much by your indifference to the plight of your own countrymen (so garishly displayed by your refusal, or, as we more strongly suspect, your inability, to produce a poem supporting their struggle against the tyranny of Brussels) as by the manifest ignorance, found throughout your works, of the timeless traditions, conventions, and genius of your own nation’s remarkable patrimony of outstanding poetry—by hastening to forward to Her Majesty the Queen, in that humility of shame which you have only imposed upon yourself, your immediate resignation from the position of Poet Laureate, a title of which you could not possibly be more unworthy or unsuitable by any reasonable, literary standard, much less by that most elevated to which the laureates of England’s illustrious past once held themselves, that, at very least, the United Kingdom of Great Britain preserve its sacred honour in the domain of letters, if, thanks to “men” like you, it shall not be able to reclaim it on the stage of history.
Joseph Charles MacKenzie
Traditional Lyric Poet of the United States of America